Most of us like to think of ourselves as reasonable people who base our opinions on evidence. When presented with good arguments and reliable facts, we assume, we will happily update our beliefs. The reality, however, is rather different. A great deal of psychological research suggests that changing our minds is one of the hardest things human beings ever do – and that we are surprisingly skilled at avoiding it.

One reason is a phenomenon known as “confirmation bias”. This is the well-documented tendency to notice, believe and remember information that supports what we already think, while ignoring or dismissing anything that contradicts it. When we read a news article that agrees with our views, we nod along and accept it easily. When we encounter one that challenges them, we become critical, searching for reasons to reject it. In this way, we can consume vast amounts of information yet only become more convinced of what we believed all along.

The problem is made worse by the fact that our beliefs are often tied to our sense of identity. To admit that we were wrong about something important can feel like admitting that we are foolish, or that we do not belong to a particular group. Faced with this discomfort, many people would rather defend a mistaken position than accept an uncomfortable truth. Changing one’s mind, in other words, is not merely an intellectual act but an emotional one.

None of this means that people never change their views – clearly they do, or society would never progress. But it tends to happen slowly, and rarely as the result of a single argument. What seems to help most is an atmosphere of respect. People are far more willing to reconsider their opinions when they do not feel attacked, mocked or humiliated. Perhaps the most useful lesson from the research is this: if you genuinely want to change someone’s mind, winning the argument is often less important than allowing them to save face.